Aristophanes
Birds
414 BC
Translator’s Note
This translation by Ian Johnston
of Malaspina University-College, Nanaimo, BC, has certain copyright
restrictions. For information please use the following link: Copyright.
For comments or question please contact Ian
Johnston.
This text is available in the
form of a Publisher file for those who would like to print it off as a small
book. There is no charge for these files. For details, please use
the following link: Publisher
files. A printed paperback book of this text is available from Richer Resources
Publications.
Note that in
the following translation the normal numbers refer to this text, while the
numbers in square brackets refer to the Greek text. Links to explanatory
endnotes are indicated by an asterisk (*).
The translator would like to
acknowledge the very valuable help he received from the notes in Alan H.
Sommerstein’s edition of The Birds (Warminster: Aris and Phillips,
1987).
For comments,
questions, suggestions for improvement, and so on, please contact Ian Johnston
at Malaspina University-College, 900 Fifth Street, Nanaimo, BC, Canada, V9R 5S5
or at johnstoi@mala.bc.ca.
Historical Note
The Birds was first produced at the drama festival in 414
BC, where it won second prize. At this period, during the Peloponnesian War, Athens
was very powerful and confident, having just launched the expedition to Sicily,
fully expecting to triumph in that venture and in the larger war.
Birds
Dramatis Personae
PISTHETAIROS: a middle-aged Athenian
EUELPIDES: a middle-aged Athenian
SERVANT-BIRD: a slave serving Tereus, once a man
TEREUS: a hoopoe bird, once a man
FLAMINGO
PEACOCK
A SECOND HOOPOE
GLUTTON-BIRD: a fictitious species
CHORUS LEADER
CHORUS: of birds
XANTHIAS: slave serving Pisthetairos
MANODOROS: slave serving Euelpides, also called MANES.
PROCNE: a nightingale with a woman’s body, consort of Tereus.
PRIEST
POET
ORACLE MONGER: a collector and interpreter of oracles
METON: a land surveyor
COMMISSIONER OF COLONIES: an Athenian official
STATUTE SELLER: man who sells laws
FIRST MESSENGER: a construction-worker bird
SECOND MESSENGER: a soldier bird
IRIS: messenger goddess, daughter of Zeus
FIRST HERALD: a bird
YOUNG MAN: young Athenian who wants to beat up his father
CINESIAS: a very bad dithyrambic poet and singer
SYCOPHANT: a common informer
PROMETHEUS: the Titan
POSEIDON: god of the sea, brother of Zeus
HERCULES: the legendary hero, now divine
TRIBALLIAN GOD: an uncouth barbarian god
PRINCESS: a divine young lady
SECOND HERALD
Scene: A rugged, treed wilderness
area up in the rocky hills. Enter Pisthetairos and Euelpides, both very tired.
They are clambering down from the rocky heights towards the level stage.
Pisthetairos has a crow perched on his arm or shoulder, and Euelpides has a
jackdaw. Both Pisthetairos and Euelpides are carrying packs on their back. They
are followed by two slaves carrying more bags. The slaves stay well out of the
way until they get involved in the action later on.
EUELPIDES [speaking to the
bird he is carrying]
Are you telling us to keep
going straight ahead?
Over there by that
tree?
PISTHETAIROS
Blast this bird—
it’s croaking for us to
head back, go home.
EUELPIDES
Why are we wandering up and down
like this?
You’re such a fool—this endless weaving round
will kill us both.
PISTHETAIROS
I must be an idiot
to keep hiking on along
these pathways,
a hundred miles at
least, and just because
that’s what this crow
keeps telling me to do.
EUELPIDES
What about me? My poor toe
nails are thrashed. 10
I’ve worn them out because I’m
following
what this jackdaw says.
PISTHETAIROS [looking around]
I have no idea
where on earth we are.
EUELPIDES
You mean from here
you couldn’t make it
back to your
place? [10]
PISTHETAIROS:
No way—not even Execestides
could manage that.*
EUELPIDES
We’re in a real mess.
PISTHETAIROS
Well, you could try
going along that pathway.
[The two men start
exploring different paths down to opposite sides of the stage]
EUELPIDES
We two were conned by
that Philokrates,
the crazy vendor in the
marketplace
who sells his birds on
trays. He claimed these two 20
would take us straight to
Tereus the hoopoe,
a man who years ago
became a bird.
That’s why we paid an
obol for this one,
this jackdaw, son of
Tharreleides.*
and three more for the
crow. And then what?
The two know nothing,
except how to bite.
[The jackdaw with Euelpides
begins to get excited about something. Euelpides talks to the bird]
What’s got your attention now?
In those rocks? [20]
You want to take us there?
There’s no way through.
PISTHETAIROS [calling across
the stage to Euelpides]
By god, the same thing
over here, no road.
EUELPIDES
What’s your crow
saying about the pathway? 30
PISTHETAIROS
By god, it’s not
cawing what it did before.
EUELPIDES [shouting]
But what’s it
saying about the road?
PISTHETAIROS
Nothing—
it’s saying
nothing, just keeps on croaking—
something about
biting my fingers off.
EUELPIDES [addressing
the audience]
Don’t you think
it’s really odd the two of us,
ready and eager to
head off for the birds,*
just can’t find the
way. You see, we’re not well.
All you men sitting
there to hear our words, [30]
we’re ill with a
disease, not like the one
which Sacas
suffers,*
no—the opposite.
40
He’s no true
citizen, yet nonetheless
he’s pushing his
way in by force, but we,
both honoured
members of our tribe and clan,*
both citizens among
you citizens,
with no one trying
to drive us from the city,
have winged our way
out of our native land
on our two feet. We
don’t hate the city
because we think
it’s not by nature great
and truly
prosperous—open to all,
so they can spend
their money paying fines.
50
Cicadas chirp up in
the trees a while,
a month or two, but
our Athenians [40]
keep chirping over
lawsuits all their lives.
That’s why right
now we’ve set off on this trip,
with all this stuff—basket, pot, and myrtle boughs.*
We’re looking for a
nice relaxing spot,
where we can settle
down, live out our lives.
We’re heading for
Tereus, that hoopoe bird—
we’d like to know
if in his flying around
he’s seen a city
like the one we want. 60
PISTHETAIROS
Hey!
EUELPIDES
What?
PISTHETAIROS
My crow keeps cawing upwards—
up there.
EUELPIDES
My jackdaw’s
looking up there, too, [50]
as if it wants to
show me something.
There must be birds
around these rocks. I know—
let’s make noise
and then we’ll see for sure.
PISTHETAIROS
You know what you
should do? Kick that outcrop.
EUELPIDES
Why not use your
head? There’d be twice the noise.
[Pisthetairos and
Euelpides start climbing back up the rocky outcrops towards a door in the
middle of the rocks]
PISTHETAIROS
Pick up a stone and
then knock on the door.
EUELPIDES
All right. Here I
go.
[Euelpides knocks
very loudly on the door and calls out]
Hey, boy . . . boy!
PISTHETAIROS
What are you saying?
Why call the hoopoe
“boy”? 70
Don’t say that—you should call out
[giving a bird call]
“hoopoe-ho.”
EUELPIDES [knocking
on the door and calling again]
Hoopoe-ho! . . . Should I knock
again? . . . Hoopoe-ho!
SERVANT-BIRD [inside]
Who is it? Who’s
shouting for my
master?
[60]
[The door opens
and an actor-bird emerges. He has a huge beak which terrifies Euelpides and
Pisthetairos They fall back in fear, and the birds they have been carrying disappear]
EUELPIDES
My lord Apollo,
save us! That gaping beak—
SERVANT-BIRD [also
frightened]
Oh, oh, now we’re in for it.
You two men,
you’re bird-catchers!
EUELPIDES
Don’t act so weird!
Can’t you say something nice?
SERVANT-BIRD [trying
to scare them off]
You
two men will die!
EUELPIDES
But we’re not men.
SERVANT-BIRD
What? What are you,
then?
EUELPIDES
Well . . . I’m a
chicken-shitter . . . a Libyan bird . . .
SERVANT-BIRD
That’s rubbish.
EUELPIDES
No, it’s not—I’ve just dropped my load— 80
down both my legs. Take a look.
SERVANT-BIRD
And this one
here?
What kind of bird is he?
[to Pisthetairos]
Can
you speak?
PISTHETAIROS
Me? . . . a
crapper-fowl . . . from Phasis.
EUELPIDES
God knows what kind
of animal you are!
SERVANT-BIRD
I’m a servant bird.
EUELPIDES
Beaten by some rooster [70]
in a cock fight?
SERVANT-BIRD
No. It was my master—
when he became a hoopoe, well,
I prayed
that I could turn into a bird.
That way
he’d still have me to serve
and wait on him.
EUELPIDES
Does a bird need
his own butler bird? 90
SERVANT-BIRD
He does—I think it’s got something to do
with the fact that earlier he was a
man.
So if he wants to taste some fish
from Phalerum,
I grab a plate and run off for
sardines.
If he wants soup, we need pot and
ladle,
so I dash off for the spoon.
EUELPIDES
A runner bird—
that’s what you are. Well, my
little runner,
do you know what we’d like to
have you
do? [80]
Go call your master for us.
SERVANT-BIRD
But he’s asleep—
for heaven’s sake, his
after-dinner snooze— 100
he’s just had gnats and myrtle berries.
EUELPIDES
Wake him up anyway.
SERVANT-BIRD
I know for sure
he’ll be annoyed, but I’ll do
it, just for you.
[Exit Servant-Bird back
through the doors]
PISTHETAIROS
Damn that bird—he
scared me half to death.
EUELPIDES
Bloody hell—he frightened off my bird!
PISTHETAIROS
You’re such a coward—the worst there is.
Were
you so scared you let that jackdaw go?
EUELPIDES
What about you? Didn’t you
collapse
and
let your crow escape?
PISTHETAIROS
Not me, by god.
EUELPIDES
Where is it then?
PISTHETAIROS
It flew off on its own. 110 [90]
EUELPIDES
You didn’t let go? What a valiant
man!
TEREUS: [from inside, speaking
in a grand style]
Throw
open this wood, so I may issue forth.
[The doors open.
Enter Tereus, a hoopoe bird, with feathers on his head and wings but none on his
body. He struts and speaks with a ridiculously affected confidence. Euelpides
and Pisthetairos are greatly amused at his appearance]
EUELPIDES
O Hercules, what kind of beast
is this?
What’s
that plumage? What sort of triple crest?
TEREUS
Who are the persons here who
seek me out?
EUELPIDES
The twelve gods, it seems, have
worked you over.*
TEREUS
Does seeing my feathers make
you scoff at me?
Strangers,
I was once upon a time a man.
EUELPIDES
It’s not you we’re laughing at.
TEREUS
Then what is it?
EUELPIDES
It’s your beak—to us it looks quite funny. 120
TEREUS
It’s how Sophocles distorts Tereus— [100]
that’s me—in his tragedies.
EUELPIDES
You’re Tereus?
Are you a peacock or a bird?*
TEREUS
I am a bird.
EUELPIDES
Then where are all your
feathers?
TEREUS
They’ve
fallen off.
EUELPIDES
Have you got some disease?
TEREUS
No, it’s not that.
In winter time all birds shed their
feathers,
then new ones grow again. But tell
me this—
who are the two of you?
EUELPIDES
Us? We’re human beings.
TEREUS
From what race were you born?
EUELPIDES
Our origin?
In Athens—which makes the finest
warships. 130
TEREUS
Ah, so you’re jury-men, are
you?
EUELPIDES
No, no.
We’re different—we keep away from juries.
TEREUS
Does that seedling flourish in
those parts? [110]
EUELPIDES
If you go searching in the
countryside,
you’ll find a few.
TEREUS
So why have you come here?
What do you need?
EUELPIDES
To talk to you.
TEREUS
What for?
EUELPIDES
Well, you were once a man, as
we are now.
You owed people money, as we do
now.
You loved to skip the debt, as we
do now.
Then you changed your nature,
became a bird. 140
You fly in circles over land and
sea.
You’ve learned whatever’s known to
birds and men.
That’s why we’ve come as suppliants
to you,
[120]
to ask if you can tell us of some
town,
where life is sheepskin soft, where
we can sleep.
TEREUS
Are you looking for a mighty
city,
more powerful than what Cranaus
built?*
EUELPIDES
Not one more powerful, no. What
we want
is one which better suits the two
of us.
TEREUS
You clearly want an
aristocracy. 150
EUELPIDES
Me? No, not at all. The son of
Scellias
is someone I detest.*
TEREUS
All right, then,
What kind of city would you like to
live in?
EUELPIDES
I’d like a city where my
biggest problem
would be something like this—in the morning
a friend comes to my door and says
to me,
“In the name of Olympian Zeus, take
a bath, [130]
an early one, you and your
children,
then come to my place for the
wedding feast
I’m putting on. Don’t disappoint me
now.
160
If you do, then don’t come looking
for me
when my affairs get difficult for
me.”*
TEREUS
By heaven, you poor man, you do
love trouble.
What about you?
PISTHETAIROS
I’d like the same.
TEREUS
Like what?
PISTHETAIROS
To have the father of some
handsome lad
come up to me, as if I’d done him
wrong,
and tell me off with some complaint
like this—
“A fine thing there between you and
my son,
[140]
you old spark. You met him coming
back
from the gymnasium, after his bath— 170
you didn’t kiss or greet him with a
hug,
or even try tickling his testicles—
yet you’re a friend of mine, his
father.”
TEREUS
How you yearn for problems, you
unhappy man.
There is a happy city by the sea,
the Red Sea, just like the one you
mention.*
EUELPIDES
No, no. Not by the sea! That’s
not for us,
not where that ship Salamia can
show up
with some man on board to serve a
summons
early in the morning. What about
Greece? 180
Can you tell us of some city there?*
TEREUS
Why not go and settle down in Elis—
in Lepreus?
EUELPIDES
In Leprous? By the gods,
I hate the place—although I’ve never seen it—
[150]
it’s all Melanthius’ fault.*
TEREUS
You could go
to the Opuntians—they’re in Locris—
you might settle there.
EUELPIDES
Be Opuntius—
no way, not for a talent’s weight
in gold.*
But what’s it like here, living
with the birds?
You must know it well.
TEREUS
It’s not unpleasant. 190
First of all, you have to live
without a purse.
EUELPIDES
So you’re rid of one great
source of fraud in life.
TEREUS
In the gardens we enjoy white
sesame, [160]
the myrtles, mint, and poppies.
EUELPIDES
So you live
just like newly-weds.
PISTHETAIROS
That’s it! I’ve got it!
I see a great plan for this race of
birds—
and power, too, if you’ll trust
what I say.
TEREUS
What do you want to get us all
to do?
PISTHETAIROS
What should you be convinced to
do? Well, first,
don’t just fly about in all directions, 200
your beaks wide open—that makes you despised.
With us, you see, if you spoke of
men
who always flit about and if you
asked,
“Who’s that Teleas” someone would
respond,
“The man’s a bird—he’s unreliable,
flighty, vague, never stays in one
place long.”* [170]
TEREUS
By Dionysus, that’s a valid
point—
the criticism’s fair. What should
we do?
PISTHETAIROS
Settle down together in one
city.
TEREUS
What sort of city could we
birds set up? 210
PISTHETAIROS
Why ask that? What a stupid
thing to say!
Look down.
TEREUS
All right.
PISTHETAIROS
Now look up.
TEREUS
I’m looking up.
PISTHETAIROS
Turn your head round to the
side.
TEREUS
By Zeus,
this’ll do me good, if I twist off
my neck.
PISTHETAIROS
What do you see?
TEREUS
Clouds and sky.
PISTHETAIROS
Well, then,
isn’t this a staging area for
birds?
TEREUS
A staging area? How come it’s
that?
PISTHETAIROS
You might say it’s a location
for them— [180]
there’s lots of business here, but
everything
keeps moving through this zone, so
it’s now called 220
a staging place. But if you settled
here,
fortified it, and fenced it off
with walls,
this staging area could become your
state.
Then you’d rule all men as if
they’re locusts
and annihilate the gods with
famine,
just like in Melos.*
TEREUS
How’d we manage that?
PISTHETAIROS
Look, between earth and heaven
there’s the air.
Now, with us, when we want to go to
Delphi,
we have to ask permission to pass
through
from the Boeotians. You should do
the same. 230
When men sacrifice, make gods pay
you cash. [190]
If not, you don’t grant them rights
of passage.
You’ll stop the smell of roasting
thigh bones
moving through an empty space and
city
which don’t belong to them.
TEREUS
Wow!!! Yippee!!
By earth, snares, traps, nets, what
a marvellous scheme!
I’ve never heard a neater plan! So
now,
with your help, I’m going to found
a city,
if other birds agree.
PISTHETAIROS
The other birds?
Who’s going to lay this business
out to them? 240
TEREUS
You can do it. I’ve taught them
how to speak. [200]
Before I came, they could only
twitter,
but I’ve been with them here a long,
long time.
PISTHETAIROS
How do you call to bring them
all together?
TEREUS
Easy. I’ll step inside my
thicket here,
and wake my nightingale. Then we’ll
both call.
Once they hear our voices they’ll
come running.
PISTHETAIROS
O, you darling bird, now don’t
just stand there—
not when I’m begging you to go
right now,
get in your thicket, wake your
nightingale. 250
[Tereus goes back through the
doors]*
TEREUS [singing]
Come my queen, don’t sleep so long,
pour forth the sound of
sacred song— [210]
lament once more through lips divine
for Itys, your dead child and mine,
the one we’ve cried for all this time.*
Sing out your music’s liquid trill
in that vibrato voice—the
thrill
which echoes in those purest tones
through leafy haunts of yew trees roams
and rises up to Zeus’
throne. 260
Apollo with the golden hair
sits listening to your music there—
and in response he plucks his string—
his lyre of ivory then brings
the gods themselves to dance and sing.
Then from gods’ mouths in
harmony [220]
come sounds of sacred melody.
[A flute starts playing
within, in imitation of the nightingale’s song. The melody continues for a few
moments]
EUELPIDES
By lord Zeus, that little
birdie’s got a voice!
She pours her honey all through
that thicket!
PISTHETAIROS
Hey!
EUELPIDES
What?
PISTHETAIROS
Shut up.
EUELPIDES
Why?
PISTHETAIROS
That hoopoe bird— 270
he’s all set to sing another song.
TEREUS [issuing a bird call to
all the birds. His song or chant is accompanied by the flute indicating the
nightingale’s song]
Epo-popo-popo-popo-popoi,
Io, io, ito, ito, ito, ito.
Come here to me,
all you with feathers just like
mine, [230]
all you who live in country fields
fresh-ploughed, still full of seed,
and all you thousand tribes
who munch on barley corn
who gather up the
grain,
280
and fly at such a speed
and utter your sweet cries,
all you who in the furrows there
twitter on the turned-up earth,
and sweetly sing
tio tio tio tio tio tio tio tio—
All those of you
who like to scavenge food
from garden ivy
shoots, [240]
all you in the hills up
there
290
who eat from olive and arbutus
trees.
come here as quickly as you can,
fly here in answer to this call—
trio-to trio-to toto-brix!
And every one of you
in low-lying marshy ground
who snap sharp-biting gnats,
by regions of well-watered land,
and lovely fields of Marathon,
all you variously coloured birds, 300
godwits and francolins—
I’m calling you.
You flocks who fly across the
seas [250]
across the waves with halcyons
come here to learn the news.
We’re all assembling here,
all tribes of long-neck birds.
A shrewd old man’s arrived—
he’s here with a new plan,
a man of
enterprise,
310
all set to improvise.
So gather all of you
to hear his words.
[The final words gradually
change from coherent speech into a bird call]
Come here, come here,
come here, come here.
Toro-toro toro-toro-tix
Kik-kabau,
kik-kabau. [260]
Toro-toro toro-toro li-li-lix
[Euelpides and Pisthetairos
start looking up into the sky for birds]
PISTHETAIROS
Seen any birds lately?
EUELPIDES
No, by Apollo, I haven’t—
even though I’m staring up into the
sky,
320
not even blinking.
PISTHETAIROS
It seems to me
that hoopoe bird was just wasting
time
hiding, like a curlew, in that
thicket,
and screaming out his bird calls—
[imitating Tereus] po-poi po-poi
[There is an
instant response to Pisthetairos’ call from off stage, a loud bird call which
really scares Pisthetairos and Euelpides]
BIRD [offstage]
Toro-tix, toro-tix.
PISTHETAIROS
Hey, my good man, here comes a
bird.
[Enter a flamingo,
very tall and flaming red-something Pisthetairos and Euelpides have never seen]
EUELPIDES
By Zeus,
that’s a bird? What
kind would you call that?
It couldn’t be a
peacock, could it?
[Tereus re-enters
from the thicket]
PISTHETAIROS
Tereus here will tell us. Hey,
my friend,
330
what’s that bird there?
TEREUS
Not your everyday fowl—
the kind you always
see. She’s a marsh bird. [270]
EUELPIDES
My goodness, she’s gorgeous—flaming red!
TEREUS
Naturally, that’s why she’s
called Flamingo.
[A second bird
enters, a Peacock]
EUELPIDES [to
Pisthetairos]
Hey . . .
PISTHETAIROS
What is it?
EUELPIDES
Another bird’s arrived.
PISTHETAIROS
You’re right. By god, this one
looks really odd.
[To Tereus] Who’s this bizarre bird-prophet of
the Muse,
this strutter from the
hills?
TEREUS
He’s called the Mede.
PISTHETAIROS
He’s a Mede? By lord Hercules,
how come
a Mede flew here
without his
camel? 340
EUELPIDES
Here’s another one . . .
[The next bird
enters, another Hoopoe]
. . . what a crest of feathers!
PISTHETAIROS [To Tereus]
What’s this marvel?
You’re not the only
hoopoe? [280]
This here’s another
one?
TEREUS
He’s my grandson—
son of Philocles the
Hoopoe—it’s like
those names you pass
along, when you call
Hipponicus the son of
Callias,
and Callias son of
Hipponicus.*
PISTHETAIROS
So this bird is Callias. His
feathers—
he seems to have lost
quite a few.
TEREUS
Yes, that’s true—
being a well-off bird
he’s plucked by parasites, 350
and female creatures
flock around him, too,
to yank his plumage
out.
[Enter the
Glutton-bird, an invented species, very fat and brightly coloured]
PISTHETAIROS
By Poseidon,
here’s another bright
young bird. What’s it called?
TEREUS
This one’s the Glutton-bird.
PISTHETAIROS
Another glutton?
Cleonymus is not the
only one?*
EUELPIDES
If this bird were like our
Cleonymus, [290]
wouldn’t he have thrown
away his crest?
PISTHETAIROS
Why do all the birds display
such head crests?
Are they going to run a
race in armour?
TEREUS
No, my dear fellow, they live
up on the crests, 360
because it’s safer,
like the Carians.*
PISTHETAIROS [looking
offstage]
Holy Poseidon, do you see those
birds!
What a fowl bunch of them—all flocking here!
EUELPIDES [looking
in the same direction]
Lord Apollo, there’s a huge bird
cloud! Wow!
So many feathered wings
in there I can’t see
a way through all those
feathers to the wings.
[Enter the Chorus
of Birds in a dense mass. Pisthetairos and Euelpides clamber up the rock to get
a better look at them]
PISTHETAIROS
Hey, look at that—
it’s a partridge, and
that one over there,
by Zeus, a francolin—there’s a widgeon—
and that’s a halcyon!
EUELPIDES
What’s the one behind her?
PISTHETAIROS
What is it? It’s a spotted
shaver.
EUELPIDES
Shaver? 370
You mean there’s a bird
that cuts our hair?
PISTHETAIROS
Why not?
After all, there’s that
barber in the city—
the one we all call
Sparrow Sporgilos.* [300]
Here comes an owl.
EUELPIDES
Well, what about that?
Who brings owls to
Athens?*
PISTHETAIROS [identifying
birds in the crowd]
. . . a turtle dove,
a jay, lark, sedge bird
. . .
EUELPIDES
. . . finch, pigeon . . .
PISTHETAIROS
. . . falcon,
hawk, ring dove . . .
EUELPIDES
. . . cuckoo, red shank . . .
PISTHETAIROS
. . . fire-crest . . .
EUELPIDES
. . . porphyrion, kestrel,
dabchick, bunting,
vulture, and that one’s
there’s a . . . [he’s stumped]
PISTHETAIROS
. . . woodpecker!!
EUELPIDES
What a crowd of birds! A major
flock of fowls! 380
All that twitter as
they prance around,
those rival cries! . .
. Oh, oh, what’s going on?
Are they a threat?
They’re looking straight at us—
their beaks are open!
PISTHETAIROS
It looks that way to me.
CHORUS LEADER [starting
with a bird call]
To-toto-to to-toto-to
to-to.
[310]
Who’s been calling me?
Where’s he keep his
nest?
TEREUS
I’m the one. I’ve been waiting
here a while.
I’ve not left my bird
friends in the lurch.
CHORUS LEADER
Ti-tit-ti ti-tit-ti
ti-ti-ti-ti
390
tell me as a friend
what you have to say.
TEREUS
I have news for all of us—something safe,
judicious, sweet, and
profitable.
Two men have just come
here to visit me,
two subtle thinkers . .
.
CHORUS LEADER [interrupting]
What? What are you saying?
TEREUS
I’m telling you two old men
have arrived— [320]
they’ve come from lands
where human beings live
and bring the stalk of
a stupendous plan.
CHORUS LEADER
You fool! This is the most
disastrous thing
since I was hatched.
What are you telling
us? 400
TEREUS
Don’t be afraid of what I have
to say.
CHORUS LEADER
What have you done to us?
TEREUS
I’ve welcomed here
two men in love with
our society.
CHORUS LEADER
You dared to do that?
TEREUS
Yes, indeed, I did.
And I’m very pleased I
did so.
CHORUS LEADER
These two men of yours,
are they among us now?
TEREUS
Yes, as surely as I am.
CHORUS [breaking
into a song of indignation]
Aiiii, aiiiii
He’s cheated us,
he’s done us
wrong.
That friend of
ours,
410
who all along
has fed with us
in fields we
share, [330]
now breaks old laws
and doesn’t care.
We swore a pact
of all the birds.
He’s now trapped us
with deceitful words—
so power
goes
420
to all our foes,
that wicked race
which since its birth
was raised for war
with us on earth.
CHORUS LEADER
We’ll have some words with that
one later.
These two old men
should get their punishment—
I think we should give
it now. Let’s do it—
rip ’em to pieces, bit
by bit.
PISTHETAIROS
We’re done for.
EUELPIDES
It’s all your fault—getting us into this mess.
430
Why’d you bring me
here?
PISTHETAIROS
I wanted you to
come. [340]
EUELPIDES
What? So I could weep myself to
death?
PISTHETAIROS
Now, you’re really talking
nonsense—
how do you intend to
weep, once these birds
poke out your eyes?
CHORUS [advancing
towards Pisthetairos and Euelpides
On, on . . .
let’s move in to
attack,
and launch a bloody
rush,
come in from front and
back,
and break ’em in the
crush—
with wings on every
side
440
they’ll have no place
to hide.
These two will start to
howl,
when my beak starts to
eat
and makes ’em food for
fowl.
There’s no well-shaded
peak,
no cloud or salt-grey
sea [350]
where they can flee
from me.
CHORUS LEADER
Now let’s bite and tear these
two apart!
Where’s the brigadier?
Bring up the right wing!
[The birds start
to close in on Pisthetairos and Euelpides, cowering up on the rocks]
EUELPIDES
This is it! I’m done for. Where
can I run? 450
PISTHETAIROS
Why aren’t you staying put?
EUELPIDES
Here with you?
I don’t want ’em to rip
me into pieces.
PISTHETAIROS
How do you intend to get away
from them?
EUELPIDES
I haven’t a clue.
PISTHETAIROS
Then I’ll tell you how—
we have to stay right
here and fight it out.
So put that cauldron
down.
[Pisthetairos
takes the cauldron from Euelpides and sets it down on the ground in front of
them]
EUELPIDES
What good’s a cauldron?
PISTHETAIROS
It’ll keep the owls away from us.
EUELPIDES
What about the birds with
claws?
PISTHETAIROS [rummaging
in the pack]
Grab this spit—
stick it in the ground
in front of you.
EUELPIDES
How do we protect our
eyes? [360]
PISTHETAIROS [producing
a couple of tin bowls]
An upturned bowl.
460
Set this on your head.
EUELPIDES: [putting
the tin bowl upside down on his head and holding up the pot, with the spit
stuck in the ground]
That’s brilliant!
What a grand stroke of
warlike strategy!
In military matters
you’re the best—
already smarter than
that Nikias*
[Pisthetairos and
Euelpides, with tin bowls on their heads, await the birds’ charge-with
Pisthetairos hiding behind Euelpides who is holding up the big pot. Their two
slaves cower behind them]
CHORUS LEADER
El-el-el-eu . . . Charge!
Keep those beaks level—no holding back now!
Pull ‘em, scratch ’em,
hit ’em, rip their skins off!
Go smash that big pot
first of all.
[As the Chorus is
about to start its charge, Tereus rushes in between the two men and the Chorus
and tries to stop the Chorus Leader]
TEREUS
Hold on, you wickedest of
animals!
Tell me this: Why do
you want to kill these men, 470
to tear them both to
bits? They’ve done no wrong.
Besides, they’re my
wife’s relatives, her clansmen.
CHORUS LEADER
Why should we be more merciful
to them
than we are to wolves?
What other animals
are greater enemies of
ours than them?
Have we got better
targets for
revenge? [370]
TEREUS
Yes, by nature enemies—but what if
they’ve got good
intentions? What if they’ve come
to teach you something
really valuable?
CHORUS LEADER
How could they ever teach us
anything,
480
or tell us something
useful—they’re enemies,
our feathered
forefathers’ fierce foes.
TEREUS
But folks with fine minds find from foemen
they can learn a lot.
Caution saves us all.
We don’t learn that
from friends. But enemies
can force that truth
upon us right away.
That’s why cities
learn, not from their allies,
but from enemies, how
to build high walls,
assemble fleets of
warships—in that way,
their knowledge saves
their children, homes, and goods. 490 [380]
CHORUS LEADER
Well, here’s what seems best to
me—first of all,
let’s hear what they
have come to say. It’s true—
our enemies can teach
us something wise.
PISTHETAIROS [to
Euelpides}
I think their anger’s
easing off. Let’s retreat.
[Pisthetairos and
Euelpides inch their way toward the doors, still bunched together, with
Euelpides holding up the pot]
TEREUS [to the
Chorus Leader]
It’s only fair—and you do owe me a favour,
out of gratitude.
CHORUS LEADER
In other things,
before today, we’ve
never stood against you.
PISTHETAIROS
They’re acting now more
peacefully to us—
so put that pot and
bowl down on the ground.
But we’d better hang
onto the spit, our spear. 500
We’ll use it on patrol
inside our camp
[390]
right by this cauldron
here. Keep your eyes peeled—
don’t even think of
flight.
[Euelpides puts
down the cauldron, removes his tin-plate helmet, and marches with the spear
back and forth by the cauldron, on guard]
EUELPIDES
What happens if we’re killed?
Where on earth
will we be buried?
PISTHETAIROS
In Kerameikos—
where the potters live—they’ll bury both of us.
We’ll get it done and
have the public pay—
I’ll tell the generals
we died in battle,
fighting with the
troops at Orneai.*
CHORUS LEADER
Fall back into the ranks you held before.
510 [400]
Bend over, and like
well-armed soldier boys,
put your spirit and
your anger down.
We’ll look into who
these two men may be,
where they come from,
what their intentions are.
[The Chorus of
Birds breaks up and retreats]
Hey, Hoopoe bird, I’m
calling you!
TEREUS
You called?
What would you like to
hear?
CHORUS LEADER
These two men—
where do they come from
and who are they?
TEREUS
These strangers are from
Greece, font of wisdom.
CHORUS LEADER
What accident or
words
[410]
now brings them to the
birds? 520
TEREUS
The two men love your life,
adore the way you live—
they want to share with
you
in all there is to
give.
CHORUS LEADER
What’s that you just said?
What plan is in their
head?
TEREUS
Things you’d never think about—
you’ll be amazed—just hear him out.
CHORUS LEADER
He thinks it’s good that he
should stay and live
with me? 530
Is he trusting in some
plan
to help his fellow man
or thump his
enemy? [420]
TEREUS
He talks of happiness
too great for thought
or words
He claims this
emptiness—
all space—is for the birds—
here, there, and everywhere.
You’ll be convinced, I swear.
CHORUS LEADER
Is he crazy in the
head?
540
TEREUS
He is shrewder than I said.
CHORUS LEADER
A brilliant thinking box?
TEREUS
The subtlest, sharpest fox—
he’s been around a lot
knows every scheme and
plot. [430]
CHORUS LEADER
Ask him to speak to us, to tell
us all.
As I listen now to what you’re
telling me,
it makes me feel like flying—taking off!
TEREUS [to the two
slaves]
Take their suits of armour in
the house—
hang the stuff up in the
kitchen there, 550
beside the cooking stool—may it bring good luck!
[turning to
Pisthetairos]
Now you. Lay out your plans—explain to them
the reason why I called them
all together.
[Pisthetairos is
struggling with the servants, refusing to give up his armour]
PISTHETAIROS
No. By Apollo, I won’t do it—
not unless they swear a pact
with me
just like one that monkey
Panaitios, [440]
who makes our knives, had his wife swear to him—
not to bite or pull my balls
or poke me.
CHORUS LEADER
You mean up your . . .
PISTHETAIROS
No, not there. I mean the eyes.
CHORUS LEADER
Oh, I’ll agree to that.
PISTHETAIROS
Then swear an oath on it.
560
CHORUS LEADER
I swear on this condition—that I get
all the judges’ and
spectators’ votes and win.*
PISTHETAIROS
Oh, you’ll win!
CHORUS LEADER
And if I break the oath
then let me win by just a
single vote.
Listen all of you! The armed
infantry
can now pick up their weapons
and go home.
Keep an eye out for any
bulletins
we put up on our notice
boards. [450]
CHORUS [singing]
Man’s by nature’s born to lie.
But state your case. Give it a
try.
570
There’s a chance you have observed
some useful things inside this
bird,
some greater power I possess,
which my dull brain has never
guessed.
So tell all here just what you
see.
If there’s a benefit to me,
we’ll share in it communally.
CHORUS LEADER
Tell us the business that’s
brings you
here.
[460]
Persuade us of your views. So speak right up.
No need to be afraid—we’ve made a pact—
580
we won’t be the ones who break it first.
PISTHETAIROS [aside
to Euelpides]
By god, I’m full of words,
bursting to speak.
I’ve worked my speech like
well-mixed flour—
like kneading dough. There’s
nothing stopping me.
[giving
instructions to the two slaves]
You, lad, fetch me a speaker’s wreath—and, you,
bring water here, so I can
wash my hands.
[The two slaves go
into the house and return with a wreath and some water]
EUELPIDES [whispering
to Pisthetairos]
You mean it’s time for dinner?
What’s going on?
PISTHETAIROS
For a long time now I’ve been
keen, by god,
to give them a stupendous
speech—overstuffed—
something to shake their tiny
birdy
souls. 590
[Pisthetairos, with
the wreath on his head, now turns to the birds and begins his formal oration]
I’m so sorry for you all, who once were kings . . .
CHORUS LEADER
Kings? Us? What of?
PISTHETAIROS
You were kings indeed,
you ruled over everything
there is—
over him and me, first of all,
and then
over Zeus himself. You see,
your ancestry
goes back before old Kronos
and the Titans,
way back before even Earth
herself!*
CHORUS LEADER
Before the Earth?
PISTHETAIROS
Yes, by Apollo.
CHORUS LEADER
Well, that’s something I never
knew
before!
[470]
PISTHETAIROS
That’s because you’re naturally
uninformed—
600
you lack resourcefulness. You’ve not read Aesop.
His story tells us that the
lark was born
before the other birds, before
the Earth.
Her father then grew sick and
died. For five days
he lay there unburied—there was no Earth.
Not knowing what to do, at
last the lark,
at her wits’ end, set him in
her own head.
EUELPIDES
So now, the father of the lark
lies dead
in a headland plot.
PISTHETAIROS
So if they were born
before the Earth, before the
gods, well then, 610
as the eldest, don’t they get the right to rule?
EUELPIDES
By Apollo, yes they do.
[addressing the
audience]
So you out there,
look ahead and sprout
yourselves a beak—
in good time Zeus will hand
his sceptre back [480]
to the birds who peck his sacred oaks.
PISTHETAIROS
Way back then it wasn’t gods
who ruled.
They didn’t govern men. No. It
was the birds.
There’s lots of proof for
this. I’ll mention here
example number one—the fighting cock—
first lord and king of all
those
Persians, 620
well before the time of human kings—
those Dariuses and
Megabazuses.
Because he was their king, the
cock’s still called
the Persian Bird.
EUELPIDES
That’s why to this very day
the cock’s the only bird to
strut about
like some great Persian king,
and on his head
he wears his crown erect.
PISTHETAIROS
He was so great,
so mighty and so strong, that
even now,
thanks to his power then, when
he sings out
his early morning song, all
men leap up 630
to head for work—blacksmiths, potters,
tanners, [490]
men who deal in corn or
supervise the baths,
or make our shields or
fabricate our lyres—
they all lace on their shoes
and set off in the dark.
EUELPIDES
I can vouch for that! I had
some bad luck,
thanks to that cock—I lost my cloak to thieves,
a soft and warm one, too, of
Phrygian wool.
I’d been invited to a festive
do,
where some child was going to
get his name,
right here in the city. I’d
had some drinks—
640
and those drinks, well, they made me fall asleep.
Before the other guests began
to eat,
that bird lets rip his
cock-a-doodle-doo!
I thought it was the early
morning call.
So I run off for Halimus*—but then,
just outside the city walls, I
get mugged,
some coat thief hits me square
across the back—
he used a cudgel! When I fall
down there,
about to cry for help, he
steals my cloak!
PISTHETAIROS
To resume—way
back then the Kite was
king.
650
He ruled the Greeks.
CHORUS LEADER
King of the Greeks!!
PISTHETAIROS
That’s right.
As king he was the first to
show us
how [500]
to grovel on the ground before a kite.
EUELPIDES
By Dionysus, I once saw a kite
and rolled along the ground,
then, on my back,
my mouth wide open, gulped an
obol down.
I had to trudge home with an
empty sack.*
PISTHETAIROS
Take Egypt and Phoenicia—they were ruled
by Cuckoo kings. And when they
cried “Cuckoooo!!”
all those Phoenicians
harvested their crop— 660
the wheat and barley in their fields.
EUELPIDES
That’s why
if someone’s cock is ploughing
your wife’s field,
we call you “Cuckoo!”—you’re being fooled!*
PISTHETAIROS
The kingship of the birds was
then so strong
that in the cities of the
Greeks a king—
an Agamemnon, say, or Menelaus—
had a bird perched on his
regal sceptre.
And it got its own share of
all the
gifts [510]
the king received.
EUELPIDES
Now, that I didn’t know.
I always get amazed in
tragedies 670
when some king Priam comes on with a bird.
I guess it stands on guard
there, keeping watch
to see what presents
Lysicrates gets.*
PISTHETAIROS
Here’s the weirdest proof of
all—lord Zeus
who now commands the sky,
because he’s king,
carries an eagle on his head.
There’s more—
his daughter has an owl, and
Apollo,
like a servant, has a hawk.
EUELPIDES
That’s right,
by Demeter! What’s the reason
for those birds?
PISTHETAIROS
So when someone makes a
sacrifice
680
and then, in accordance with tradition,
puts the guts into god’s hands,
the birds
can seize those entrails well
before Zeus can.
Back then no man would swear
upon the gods—
they swore their oaths on
birds. And even
now, [520]
our Lampon seals his promises “By Goose,”
when he intends to cheat.*
In days gone by,
all men considered you like
that—as great
and sacred beings. Now they
all think of you
as slaves and fools and
useless
layabouts. 690
They throw stones at you, as if you’re mad.
And every hunter in the
temples there
sets up his traps—all those nooses, gins,
limed sticks and snares, fine
mesh and hunting nets,
and cages, too. Then once
they’ve got you trapped,
they sell you by the bunch.
Those who come to buy
poke and prod your flesh. If
you seem good to
eat, [530]
they don’t simply roast you by yourself—no!
They grate on cheese, mix oil
and silphium
with vinegar—and then whip up a
sauce,
700
oily and sweet, which they pour on you hot,
as if you were a chunk of
carrion meat.
CHORUS
This human speaks
of our great pain
our fathers’
sins [540]
we mourn again—
born into rule,
they threw away
what they received,
their fathers’
sway. 710
But now you’ve come—
fine stroke of fate—
to save our cause.
Here let me state
I’ll trust myself
and all my chicks
to help promote
your politics.
CHORUS LEADER
You need to stick around to
tell us all
what we should do. Our lives
won’t be worth living 720
unless by using every scheme there is
we get back what’s ours—our sovereignty.
PISTHETAIROS
Then the first point I’d advise
you of is this:
[550]
there should be one single city of the birds.
Next, you should encircle the
entire air,
all this space between the
earth and heaven,
with a huge wall of baked
brick—like Babylon.
EUELPIDES
O Kebriones and Porphyrion!
What a mighty place! How well fortified!*
PISTHETAIROS
When you’ve completed that,
demand from Zeus 730
he give you back your rule. If he says no,
he doesn’t want to and won’t
sign on at once,
you then declare a holy war on
him.
Tell those gods they can’t
come through your space
with cocks erect, the way they
used to do,
rushing down to screw another
woman—
like Alkmene, Semele, or
Alope.*
For if you ever catch them
coming down
you’ll stamp your seal right
on their swollen pricks—
[560]
they won’t be fucking women any
more. 740
And I’d advise you send another bird
as herald down to human beings
to say
that since the birds from now
on will be kings,
they have to offer sacrifice
to them.
The offerings to the gods take
second place.
Then each of the gods must be
closely matched
with an appropriate bird. So
if a man
is offering Athena holy
sacrifice,
he must first give the Coot
some barley corn.
If sacrificing sheep to god
Poseidon, 750
let him bring toasted wheat grains to the Duck.
And anyone who’s going to
sacrifice
to Hercules must give the
Cormorant
some honey cakes. A ram for
Zeus the king?
Then first, because the Wren
is king of birds,
ahead of Zeus himself, his
sacrifice
requires the worshipper to
execute
an uncastrated gnat.
EUELPIDES
I like that bit about
the slaughtered gnat. Now
thunder on, great Zan.* [570]
CHORUS LEADER
But how will humans think of us
as gods
760
and not just jackdaws flying around on wings?
PISTHETAIROS
A foolish question. Hermes is a
god,
and he has wings and flies—so do others,
all sorts of them. There’s
Victory, for one,
with wings of gold. And Eros
is the same.
Then there’s Iris—just like a timorous dove,
that’s what Homer says.
EUELPIDES
But what if Zeus
lets his thunder peal, then
fires down on us
his lightning bolt—that’s got wings as well.
PISTHETAIROS [ignoring
Euelpides]
Now, if men in their
stupidity
770
think nothing of you and keep worshipping
Olympian gods, then a large
cloud of birds,
of rooks and sparrows, must
attack their farms,
devouring all the seed. And as
they starve,
let Demeter then dole out
grain to
them. [580]
EUELPIDES
She won’t be willing to do
that, by Zeus.
She’ll make excuses—as you’ll see.
PISTHETAIROS
Then as a test,
the ravens can peck out their
livestock’s eyes,
the ones that pull the ploughs
to work the land,
and other creatures, too. Let
Apollo 780
make them better—he’s the god of healing.
That’s why he gets paid.
EUELPIDES
But you can’t do this
’til I’ve sold my two little
oxen first.
PISTHETAIROS
But if they think of you as
god, as life,
as Earth, as Kronos and
Poseidon, too,
then all good things will come
to them.
CHORUS LEADER
Tell me
what these good things are.
PISTHETAIROS
Well, for starters,
locusts won’t eat the blossoms
on their vines.
The owls and kestrels in just
one platoon
will rid them of those pests.
Mites and gall wasps 790 [590]
won’t devour the figs. One troop of thrushes
will eradicate them one and
all.
CHORUS LEADER
But how will we make people
wealthy?
That’s what they mostly want.
PISTHETAIROS
When people come
petitioning your shrines, the
birds can show
the mining sites that pay.
They’ll tell the priest
the profitable routes for trade.
That way
no captain of a ship will be
wiped out.
CHORUS LEADER
Why won’t those captains come
to grief?
PISTHETAIROS
They’ll always ask the birds
about the trip.
800
Their seer will say, “A storm is on the way.
Don’t sail just yet” or “Now’s
the time to sail—
you’ll turn a tidy profit.”
EUELPIDES
Hey, that’s for me—
I’ll buy a merchant ship and
take command.
I won’t be staying with you.
PISTHETAIROS
Birds can show men
the silver treasures of their
ancestors,
buried in the ground so long
ago.
For birds know where these
are. Men always say,
[600]
“No one knows where my treasure lies, no one,
except perhaps some bird.”
EUELPIDES
I’ll sell my boat.
810
I’ll buy a spade and dig up tons of gold.
CHORUS LEADER
How will we provide for human
health?
Such things dwell with the
gods.
PISTHETAIROS
If they’re doing well,
is that not giving them good
health?
EUELPIDES
You’re right.
A man whose business isn’t
very sound
is never medically well.
CHORUS LEADER
All right,
but how will they get old?
That’s something, too,
Olympian gods bestow. Must
they die young?
PISTHETAIROS
No, no, by god. The birds will
add on years,
three hundred more.
CHORUS LEADER
And where
will those come from? 820
PISTHETAIROS
From the birds’ supply. You
know the saying,
“Five human lifetimes lives
the cawing crow.”*
EUELPIDES
My word, these birds are much
more qualified [610]
to govern us than Zeus.
PISTHETAIROS
Far better qualified!
First, we don’t have to build
them holy shrines,
made out of stone, or put up
golden doors
to decorate their sanctuaries.
They live
beneath the bushes and young
growing trees.
As for the prouder birds, an
olive grove
will be their temple. When we
sacrifice,
830
no need to go to Ammon or to Delphi—
we’ll just stand among arbutus
trees [620]
or oleasters with an offering—
barley grains or wheat—uttering our prayers,
our arms outstretched, so from
them we receive
our share of benefits. And
these we’ll gain
by throwing them a few
handfuls of grain.
CHORUS LEADER
Old man, how much you’ve been
transformed for me—
From my worst enemy into my
friend,
my dearest friend. These
strategies of yours— 840
I’ll not abandon them, not willingly.
CHORUS
The words you’ve said make us
rejoice—
and so we’ll swear with just
one voice
an oath that if you stand with
me— [630]
our thoughts and aims in unity—
honest, pious, just, sincere,
to go against the gods up
there,
if we’re both singing the same
song
the gods won’t have my sceptre
long.
CHORUS LEADER
Whatever can be done with force
alone
850
we’re ready to take on—what requires brains
or thinking through, all that
stuff’s up to you.
PISTHETAIROS
That’s right, by Zeus. No time
for dozing
now, [640]
or entertaining doubts, like Nikias.*
No—let’s get up and at it fast.
TEREUS
But first, you must come in
this nest of mine,
these sticks and twigs
assembled here. So now,
both of you, tell us your
names.
PISTHETAIROS
That’s easy.
My name’s Pisthetairos.
TEREUS
And this man here?
EUELPIDES
I’m Euelpides, from
Crioa. 860
TEREUS
Welcome both of you!
PISTHETAIROS and
EUELPIDES
Thanks very much.
TEREUS
Won’t you come in?
PISTHETAIROS
Let’s go. But you go first—
show us the way.
TEREUS
Come on, then.
[Tereus enters his
house]
PISTHETAIROS [holding
back, calling into the house]
But . . . it’s strange . . .
Come back a minute.
[Tereus reappears
at the door]
Look, tell us both
how me and him can share the
place with you
when you can fly but we’re not
able to. [650]
TEREUS
I don’t see any problem there.
PISTHETAIROS
Maybe,
but in Aesop’s fables there’s
a story told
about some fox who hung around
an eagle,
with unfortunate results.
TEREUS
Don’t be
afraid.
870
We have a little root you nibble on—
and then you’ll grow some
wings.
PISTHETAIROS
All right then,
let’s go. [To the slaves]
Manodorus, Xanthias,
bring in our mattresses.
CHORUS LEADER [to
Tereus]
Hold on a second—
I’m calling you.
TEREUS
Why are you calling me?
CHORUS LEADER
Take those two men in—give ‘em a good meal.
But bring your tuneful
nightingale out here,
who with the Muses sings such
charming songs—
leave her with us so we can
play together. [660]
PISTHETAIROS
Yes, by god—agree to their
request.
880
Bring
out your little birdie in the reeds.
EUELPIDES
For gods’ sake, bring her out,
so we can see
this lovely nightingale of yours.
TEREUS
If that’s what you both want,
it must be done.
[calling inside]
Come here, Procne. Our guests
are calling you.
[Enter Procne from
the house. She has a nightingale’s head and wings but the body of a young
woman. She’s wearing gold jewellery]
PISTHETAIROS
Holy Zeus, that’s one gorgeous
little bird!
What a tender chick!
EUELPIDES
How I’d love to help
that birdie
spread her legs, if you
catch my drift.
PISTHETAIROS
Look at that—
all the gold she’s wearing—just like a
girl. [670]
EUELPIDES
What I’d like to do right now
is kiss her. 890
PISTHETAIROS
You idiot—look at that beak she’s got,
a pair of skewers.
EUELPIDES
All right, by god,
we’ll treat her like an
egg—peel off the shell,
take it clean off her head,
and then we’ll kiss her.
TEREUS
Let’s get inside.
PISTHETAIROS
You lead us in—good luck to all!
[Pisthetairos,
Euelpides, Tereus, Xanthias, and Manodorus enter the house]
CHORUS [singing to
Procne]
Ah, my tawny throated love,
of all the birds that fly above
you’re dearest to my heart
your sweet melodious voice
in my song plays its part—
900
my lovely Nightingale,
you’ve
come, [680]
you’ve come.
And now you’re here with me.
Pour forth your melody.
Pipe out the lovely sounds of spring,
a prelude to my rhythmic speech
in every melody you sing.
[Procne plays on
the flute for a few moments as the Chorus Leader prepares to address the
audience directly. He steps forward getting close to the spectators]
CHORUS LEADER
Come now, you men out there,
who live such dark, sad lives—
you’re frail, just like a race
of leaves—you’re shaped from
clay,
you tribes of insubstantial shadows without wings,
you creatures of a day,
unhappy mortal men,
you figures from a dream, now
turn your minds to us,
the eternal, deathless,
air-borne, ageless birds,
whose wisdom never dies, so
you may hear from us
the truth about celestial
things, about the birds—
[690]
how they sprang into being, how the gods arose,
how rivers, Chaos, and dark
Erebus were formed*—
about all this you’ll learn
the truth. And so from me
tell Prodicus in future to
depart.* At the
start, 920
there was Chaos, and Night, and pitch-black Erebus,
and spacious Tartarus. There
was no earth, no heaven,
no atmosphere. Then in the
wide womb of Erebus,
that boundless space,
black-winged Night, first creature born,
made pregnant by the wind,
once laid an egg. It hatched,
when seasons came around, and
out of it sprang Love—
the source of all desire, on
his back the glitter
of his golden wings, just like
the swirling whirlwind.
In broad Tartarus, Love had
sex with murky Chaos.
From them our race was born—our first glimpse of the
light. 930
Before that there was no immortal race at all,
not before Love mixed all
things up. But once they’d bred [700]
and blended in with one another, Heaven was born,
Ocean and Earth—and all that clan of deathless gods.
Thus, we’re by far the oldest
of all blessed ones,
for we are born from Love.
There’s lots of proof for this.
We fly around the place,
assisting those in love—
the handsome lads who swear
they’ll never bend for sex,
but who, as their young charms
come to an end, agree
to let male lovers bugger
them, thanks to the birds, 940
our power as gifts—one man gives a porphyrion,
another man a quail, a third one
gives a goose,
and yet another offers up a Persian
Fowl.*
All mortals’ greatest benefits come
from us birds.
The first is this: we make the
season known—springtime,
winter, autumn—it’s time to sow, as soon as Crane
migrates to Lybia with all that
noise. He
tells [710]
the master mariner to hang his
rudder up
and go to sleep awhile. He tells
Orestes, too,
to weave himself a winter cloak, so
he won’t freeze 950
when he sets out again to rip off
people’s clothes.*
Then after that the Kite appears, to
let you know
another season’s here—it’s time to shear the sheep.
Then Swallow comes. Now you should
sell your winter cloak
and get yourself a light one. So
we’re your Ammon,
Delphi and Dodona—we’re your Apollo, too.*
See how, in all your business, you
first look to birds—
when you trade, buy goods, or when a
man gets married.
Whatever you think matters in a
prophecy,
you label that a bird—to you, Rumour’s a
bird; [720]
you say a sneeze or a chance meeting
is a bird,
a sound’s a bird, a servant’s a bird—and so’s an ass.
It’s clear you look on us as your
Apollo.
CHORUS
So you ought to make gods of
your birds,
your muses prophetic, whose words
all year round you’ve got,
unless it’s too hot.
Your questions will always be heard.
And we won’t run away to a cloud
and sit there like Zeus, who’s so
proud— 970
we’re ready to give,
hang out where you live,
and be there for you in the crowd.
CHORUS LEADER
Yes, to you, your children, and
their children, too, [730]
we’ll grant wealth and health, good
life, and happiness,
peace, youth, laughter, dances,
festivals of song—
and birds’ milk, too—so much, you’ll find yourself worn
out
with our fine gifts—yes, that’s how rich you’ll be.
CHORUS
Oh woodland Muse
Tio-tio-tio-tiotinx 980
my muse of varied artful song
on trees and from high mountain
peaks [740]
tio-tio-tio-tiotinx
to your notes I sing along
in my leafy ash tree seat.
tio-tio-tio-tiontinx
From my tawny throat I fling
my sacred melodies to Pan.
In holy dance I chant and sing
our mother from the mountain land. 990
Toto-toto-toto-toto-toto-totinx
Here Phrynichus would always
sip [750]
ambrosial nectar from our tone
to make sweet music of his own.
tio-tio-tio-tiotinx.
CHORUS LEADER
If there’s someone out there in
the audience
who’d like to spend his future
life among the birds
enjoying himself, he should
come to us. Here, you see,
whatever is considered
shameful by your laws,
is all just fine among us
birds. Consider this— 1000
if your tradition says one shouldn’t beat one’s dad,
up here with us it’s all right
if some young bird
goes at his father, hits him,
cries, “You wanna fight?
Then put up your spur!” If out
there among you
all [760]
there is, by chance, a tattooed slave who’s run away,
we’ll call him a spotted
francolin. Or else,
if someone happens to be
Phrygian, as pure
as Spintharos, he’ll be a
Philemon-bred finch.
If he’s like Execestides, a
Carian slave,
let him act the Cuckoo—steal his kin from us— 1010
some group of citizens will claim him soon enough.
And if the son of Peisias
still has in mind
betraying our city gates to
worthless men,
let him become his father’s
little partridge cock—
for us there’s nothing wrong
with crafty partridge stock.
CHORUS
Tio-tio-tio-tio-tinx-
That’s how the swans [770]
massed in a crowd
with rustling wings
once raised
aloud
1020
Apollo’s hymn.
Tio-tio-tio-tio-tinx
They sat in rows
on river banks
where Hebros flows.
Tio-tio-tio-tio-tinx
Their song then rose
through cloud and air—
it cast its spell
on mottled
tribes 1030
of wild beasts there—
the silent sky
calmed down the sea.
Toto-toto-toto-toto-totinx.
Olympus rang— [780]
amazement seized
its lords and kings.
Then Muses there
and Graces, too,
voiced their response— 1040
Olympus sang.
Tio-tio-tio-tio-tiotinx.
CHORUS LEADER
There’s nothing sweeter or
better than growing wings.
If any of you members of the
audience
had wings, well, if you were
feeling bored or hungry
with these tragic choruses,
you could fly away,
go home for dinner, and then,
once you’d had enough,
fly back to us again. Or if,
by any chance,
a Patrocleides sits out there
among you all,
[790]
dying to shit, he wouldn’t have to risk a
fart 1050
in his own pants—he could fly off and let ’er rip,
take a deep breath, and fly
back down again.
If it should be the case that
one of you out there
is having an affair, and you
observe her husband
sitting here, in seats
reserved for Council men,
well, once again, you could
fly off and fuck the wife,
then fly back from her place
and take your seat once more.
Don’t you see how having wings
to fly beats everything?
Just look at Diitrephes—the only wings he had
were handles on his flasks of
wine, but nonetheless, 1060
they chose him to lead a squad of cavalry,
then for a full command, so
now, from being nobody,
he carries out our great
affairs—he’s now become [800]
a tawny civic horse-cock.*
[Enter
Pisthetairos and Euelpides from Tereus’ house. They now have wings on and
feathers on their heads instead of hair}
PISTHETAIROS
Well, that’s that. By Zeus,
I’ve never seen a more
ridiculous sight!
EUELPIDES
What are you laughing at?
PISTHETAIROS
At your feathers.
Have you any idea what you look
like—
what you most resemble with
those feathers on?
A goose painted by some cheap
artiste!
EUELPIDES
And you look like a blackbird—one whose
hair 1070
has just been cut using a barber’s bowl.
PISTHETAIROS
People will use us as metaphors—
as Aeschlyus would say, “We’re
shot by feathers
not from someone else but of
our very own.”
CHORUS LEADER
All right, then. What do we now
need to do?
PISTHETAIROS
First, we have to name our
city, something
fine and grand. Then after
that we sacrifice
[810]
an offering to the gods.
EUELPIDES
That’s my view, too.
CHORUS LEADER
So what name shall we give our
city?
PISTHETAIROS
Well, do you want to use that
mighty
name
1080
from Lacedaimon—shall we call it Sparta?
EUELPIDES
By Hercules, would I use that
name Sparta
for my city? No. I wouldn’t
even try
esparto grass to make my bed,
not if
I could use cords of linen.*
PISTHETAIROS
All right then, what name
shall we provide?
CHORUS LEADER
Some name from around here—
to do with clouds, with high
places full of air,
something really extra grand.
PISTHETAIROS
Well, then,
how do you like this:
Cloudcuckooland?
CHORUS LEADER
Yes! That’s good! You’ve come
up with a name 1090 [820]
that’s really wonderful—it’s great!
EUELPIDES
Hang on,
is this Cloudcuckooland the
very spot
where Theogenes keeps lots of
money,
and Aeschines hides all his
assets?*
PISTHETAIROS
It’s even more than that—it’s Phlegra Plain,
the place where gods beat up
on all the giants
in a bragging match.*
EUELPIDES
This fine metropolis!
O what a glittering thing this
city is!
Now who should be the city’s
guardian god?
Who gets to wear the sacred
robes we weave? 1100
PISTHETAIROS
Why not let Athena do the
guarding?
EUELPIDES
But how can we have a finely
ordered state
where a female goddess stands
there fully
armed, [830]
while Cleisthenes still fondles weaving shuttles.*
PISTHETAIROS
Well, who will hold our city’s
strong Storkade?
CHORUS LEADER
A bird among us of a Persian
breed—
it’s said to be the fiercest
anywhere
of all the war god’s chicks.
EUELPIDES
Some princely cocks?
They’re just the gods to live
among the rocks!
PISTHETAIROS [to
Euelpides]
Come now, you must move up
into the
air, 1110
and help the ones who’re building up the wall—
hoist rubble for ’em, strip
and mix the mortar,
haul up the hod, and then fall
off the ladder. [840]
Put guards in place, and keep all fires concealed.
Make your inspection rounds
holding the bell.*
Go to sleep up there. Then
send out heralds—
one to gods above, one down to
men below.
And then come back from there
to me.
EUELPIDES
And you?
You’ll stay here? Well, to
hell with you . . .
PISTHETAIROS
Hey, my friend,
you should go where I send you—without
you 1120
none of that work I mentioned will get done.
We need a sacrifice to these
new gods.
I’ll call a priest to organize
the show.
[Euelpides
exits. Pisthetairos calls to the slaves through the doors of Tereus’
house]
You, boy, pick up the basket, and you,
my lad, grab up the holy
water. [850]
[Pisthetairos
enters the house. As the Chorus sings, the slaves emerge and prepare for the
sacrifice. The Chorus is accompanied by a raven playing the pipes]
CHORUS
I think it’s good and
I agree,
your notions here are fine with me,
a great big march with dancing throngs
and to the gods send holy songs,
and then their benefits to
keep 1130
we’ll sacrifice a baby sheep—
let go our cry, the Pythian shout,
while Chaeris plays our chorus out.
[The Raven plays
erratically on the pipe. Pisthetairos comes out of the house. He brings a
priest with him who is leading a small scrawny goat for the sacrifice]
PISTHETAIROS [to
the Raven]
Stop blowing all that noise! By
Hercules,
what’s this? I’ve seen some
strange things, heaven knows, [860]
but never this—a raven with a pipe
shoved up his nose. Come on,
priest, work your spell,
and sacrifice to these new
gods as well.
PRIEST
I’ll do it. But where’s the
basket-bearing boy?
[The slave appears
with the basket]
Let us now pray to Hestia of the birds,*
1140
and to the Kite that watches o’er the hearth,
to all Olympian birds and
birdesses . . .
PISTHETAIROS [to
himself]
O Hawk of Sunium, all hail to
you,
Lord of the Sea . . .
PRIEST
And to the Pythian Swan of Delos—
let’s pray to Leto, mother of
the
quail [870]
to Artemis the Goldfinch . . .
PISTHETAIROS
Ha! No more goddess
of Colaenis now, but goldfinch
Artemis . . .
PRIEST
. . . to Sabazdios, Phrygian
frigate bird,
to the great ostrich mother of
the
gods 1150
and of all men . . .
PISTHETAIROS
. . . to Cybele, our ostrich queen,
mother of Cleocritos* . . .
PRIEST
. . . may they give
to all Cloudcuckooites
security,
good health, as well—and to the Chians, too.*
PISTHETAIROS
I do like that—the way those
Chians [880]
always get tacked on
everywhere—
PRIEST
. . . to Hero birds, and to
their chicks,
to Porphyrions and
Pelicans,
both white and grey, to
Raptor-birds and Pheasants,
Peacocks and Warblers .
. .
[The Priest starts
to get carried away]
. . . Ospreys and Teals
Herons and Gannets,
Terns, small Tits, big Tits, and . . . 1160
PISTHETAIROS [interrupting]
Hold on, dammit—stop calling all these birds.
You idiot! In what sort
of
sacrifice [890]
does one call for
ospreys and for vultures?
Don’t you see—one kite could snatch this goat,
then carry it away? Get
out of here,
you and your garlands,
too. I’ll do it myself—
I’ll offer up this
beast all on my own.
[Pisthetairos
pushes the Priest away. Exit Priest]
CHORUS
Now once again I have
to sing
a song to purify you all,
a holy sacred melody.
1170
The Blessed Ones I have to call—
but if you’re in a mood to eat
we just need one and not a score
for here our sacrificial
meat [900]
is horns and hair, and nothing more.
PISTHETAIROS
Let us pray while we
make sacrifice
to our feathery gods . . . [raises
his eyes to sky and shuts his eyes]
[A poet suddenly
bursts on the scene reciting his verses as he enters]
POET [reciting]
O Muse, in your songs
sing the renown
of Cloudcuckooland—this happy town . . .
PISTHETAIROS
Where’d this thing come from?
Tell me—who are you? 1180
POET
Me? I’m a sweet tongued
warbler of the words—
a nimble servant of the Muse,
as Homer
says. [910]
PISTHETAIROS
You’re a slave and wear
your hair that long?
POET
No, but all poets of
dramatic songs
are nimble servants of the
Muse, as Homer says.
PISTHETAIROS
No doubt that’s why
your nimble cloak’s so thin.
But, oh poet, why has thou come
hither?
POET
I’ve been making up all
sorts of splendid songs
to celebrate your fine
Cloudcuckoolands—
dithyrambs and virgin songs
and other
tunes 1190
after the style of that Simonides.*
PISTHETAIROS
When did you compose
these tunes? Some time ago? [920]
POET
O long long ago—yes, I’ve been singing
the glory of this town for
years.
PISTHETAIROS
Look here—
I’ve just been making
sacrifice today—
the day our city gets its
name. What’s more,
it’s only now, as with a
new-born child,
I’ve given it that name.
POET
Ah yes, but Muses’
words are swift indeed—
like twinkling hooves on rapid
steeds.
So thou, oh father, first of
Aetna’s
kings, 1200
whose name means lots of holy things,
present me something from thy
grace
whate’er you wish, just nod
your face.* [930]
PISTHETAIROS
This fellow here is
going to give us trouble—
unless we can escape by giving
something.
[Calling one of
the slaves]
You there with the tunic and the jerkin on.
Strip off the leather jerkin.
Give it up
to this master poet. Take this
jerkin.
You look as if you’re really
freezing cold.
POET
The darling Muse accepts
the gift
1210
and not unwillingly—
But now your wit should get a
lift
from Pindar’s words which . .
.
PISTHETAIROS
This fellow’s never
going to go away! [940]
POET [making up a
quotation]
“Out there amid nomadic
Scythians,
he wanders from the host in
all his shame,
he who has no woven garment
shuttle-made—
a jerkin on, but no tunic to
his name.”
I speak so you can understand.
PISTHETAIROS
Yes, I get it—you want the tunic,
too.
1220
[To the slave] Take it off. We must assist our poets.
Take it and get out.
POET
I’m on my way—
But as I go I’ll still make
songs like these
in honour of your city—
“O thou sitting on a golden
throne,
[950]
sing to celebrate that shivering, quivering land.
I walked its snow-swept
fruitful plains . . .”
[At this point
Pisthetairos has had enough. He grabs the poet and throws him into the wings]
POET [as he exits]
Aaaaiiiii!
PISTHETAIROS [calling
after him]
Well, by Zeus, at least you’ve
now put behind
the cold, since you’ve got
that little tunic on!
God knows, that’s a problem
I’d not thought about— 1230
he learned about our city here so fast.
[resuming the sacrifice]
Come, boy, pick up the holy water
and walk around again. Let
everyone
observe a sacred holy silence
now . . .
[Enter an Oracle
Monger, quickly interrupting the ceremony. He is carrying a scroll]
ORACLE MONGER
Don’t sacrifice that
goat!
PISTHETAIROS
What? Who are you?
ORACLE MONGER
Who am I? I’m an
oracular interpreter.
PISTHETAIROS
To hell with you!
[960]
ORACLE MONGER
Now, now, my dear good man,
don’t disparage things divine.
You should know
there’s an oracle of Bacis
which speaks
of your Cloudcuckooland—it’s
pertinent. 1240
PISTHETAIROS
Then how come you
didn’t talk to me
about this prophecy some time
before
I set my city here?
ORACLE MONGER
I could not do that—
powers divine held me in
check.
PISTHETAIROS
Well, I guess
there’s nothing wrong in
listening to it now.
ORACLE MONGER [unrolling
the scroll and reading from it]
“Once grey crows and wolves
shall live together
in that space between Corinth
and Sicyon . . .”
PISTHETAIROS